Dear Diary – By Vidushi Shandilya

Dear Diary,

Time flies. Blink a day is gone. Blink a week is gone. Blink a month is gone. These are of course not my words. Its from the book the Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. Its indeed a masterpiece. And the ending. Oh My God! It was dashing. Like a punch of the reader’s face.

Today I thought of writing to you as I was very overwhelmed by the happenings of the day.
In a way, to summarise I would say life is something to be lived in moments. As stated above that in a blink, it will be over. Humans wither away like dried leaves in autumn. Moreover, in this COVID pandemic, millions of people lost their lives. They too would have thought on their deathbed that in a blink their lives slipped away.

Today, my sister asked me a question, “Where is Ashwathama now and what is he doing ?” Her curious look got me cause I was not used to it. Ashwathama is a character from the Epic Mahabahrata. He was cursed to spend eternity on Earth. I thought about her question in my mind and answered that he might be praying to different Gods and Goddesses in order to get Moksha or Peace and & Earth and get rid of the pain and suffering. She eyed me and asked, “Don’t you want to live on Earth?”
I just smiled but the question hit me. “Do I really want to live in this world?” Now, while summarizing the day, I guess I got my reasons. I should be reading books , laughing foolishly with my family, making ridiculous jokes, eating good food, the smile on their faces, singing and dancing in the rain, watching rainbows, see the sunlight filter through a clump of clouds. Surely such things make me greedy asking for more.

This adage reached me while watching a spiritual sitcom and it was so beautiful that I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Lord Krishna said, “When the Sun is blazing hot and suddenly when the raindrops begin to fall upon you. The raindrops hitting the soil, the ground makes a melody that’s divine. Here, the nature makes us realize that even the hottest and the most blazing Sun can be soothed by rain. The harsh Sun can be covered by the dark clouds. Nothing remains forever.” And the last part is the best. “When talking of darkness, only one firefly can turn it bright. So, if nothing is constant in life ; not the sorrow, joy, bliss, bitterness, anger, gloom. Then what should we boast about. If nothing is constant, why should we fret!” These words seem soothing. The only lesson I’ve got from these is is live every second of life. And the future will be destined on its own. The same lesson the book gave me. And I guess today I’ve lived in moments. Not entirely, but I’ve taken the first step towards it and at the end its the first step that matters. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get rid of those dark thoughts. But I’ll try to forget about the future (which cannot be forgotten entirely) and live in the present.

Another adage came to my mind, just now. Its from Kung Fu- Panda -2. It goes like this, “Past is a history, tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift and that’s why we call it present.” Its one of those dialogues that hits you so hard , it always remains vivid in the mind. It’s one of my favourites. But in the end the same belief that I would say, you can try to forget it, but the circumstances and the people around you will bring you back to it and leave you wondering about future. No matter how hard you try. Well, the past- present- future are the parts of life. You gotta live with them. No other choice. But don’t let them overwhelm you.

Alright! I wrote a long one today. Next day, I’ll skim through these pages again and wonder what made me write these. But today only I know how these thoughts have mingled in my brain now. Got a little spiritual and philosophical. Everyone has their days.
See you next time with my opinions on another heart-wrenching, overwhelming , teenage emotion dumps. Hope you’ll always be ready
for them.

Vidushi Shandilya
BR Session 23